Hold On, Your Character’s Named Sephiroth?

Did I ever tell you about the fourth level fighter who tried to dual-wield greatswords?

In my first, terrible session in the DM’s chair I had the PCs encounter the villain only for him to catch them in one of those sphere of force items. I realised this was dumb because they couldn’t get out and so I had him challenge someone to a duel. A greatsword duel.

The villain was a tiefling wizard, and this was back when Skip or someone had just ruled that all outsiders got martial weapon proficiencies, which would include tieflings. The player, whose character is named Sephiroth and names his greatsword Masamune or something, defeats the villain and kills him abruptly before he can finish his “you haven’t seen the last of me!” dying speech. The player takes his +1 greatsword.

The player refuses to give up Masamune, and so when he reaches level 4 decides to take Ambidexterity (this was back in the day when you needed two feats to fight with two weapons). Why? In order to finally take advantage of the +1 greatsword, he was going to dual-wield it with Masamune.

The penalties were atrocious and he rarely hit anything. When he did, though, he’d splatter it in one hit. However, he had this remarkable knack for rolling natural 1 on his attacks! “Oh, I guess I drop the +1 greatsword then” — after which he’d start being able hit things. “Alright,” I said, eager to end the combat more quickly since he’d spent most of it not hitting, “The +1 greatsword flies from your hand, decapitates a skeleton and embeds itself in the wall.”

Thus, he decided that every single time he rolled a criticle fumble, that +1 sword would embed itself into the nearest wall, no matter how far away that wall was. It became a running joke. I eventually decided that the sword had been cursed to leap from its wielder’s grasp when he least expected it, and that’s why it had been embedding itself in so many walls.

I gave up trying to get him to give up Masamune when he tried to climb down a cliff face without a rope, fell a hundred and twenty feet, survived—I gave him a broken leg—and he tied the legendary sword to his leg as a splint.


Comments (19)

Wulfgar290 (June 28th, 2006)

Sepiroth dual weilding Masumes…. Ouch.
Funny story, I can imagine how that must have been. I kinda did the same thing, but with longswords. My guys a Sorcerer

Vertro (October 22nd, 2008)

That is very funny… I laughed out loud. My DnD group hasn’t been able to get a stable plot yet… our DM supply is very low.

Tj (October 22nd, 2008)

I like how he used the greatsword as a splint, epic.

dude srsly (October 22nd, 2008)

WTF!?!

Sephiroth (October 22nd, 2008)

Sephiroth…seriously, go play Final Fantasy…

Lord Fluffy (November 21st, 2008)

And that is why tabletop RPGs will never completely be replaced by the online versions.

Wilcox (December 1st, 2008)

If I remember correctly, Masamune was the name of a weapon from Final Fantasy on NES

The Texas Trucker (December 2nd, 2008)

I ran what I call a “Bad Acid Trip” game. It involved ARMIES of talking carrots interlaced with a talking jail cell door and a pocket wizard (Our halfling wizard decided he was small enough to fit in the bag of holding, cheating bastard. lol)

Anonymous (January 30th, 2009)

nerds…

Kiorte (January 30th, 2009)

Wilcox-

Close, Masamune was the legendary sword from Chrono Trigger on the SNES.

Bruce (February 16th, 2009)

Was he a dual-classed Lumberjack/Abraham Lincoln?

roninmodern (February 25th, 2009)

Close…Masamune is the name of a legendary swordsmith from feudal Japan.

scott lykins (January 28th, 2010)

FINAL FANTASY 7 IS THE BEST..sux to be that guy!!!

Xin (April 8th, 2010)

I’ve been trying to find out how to convert sep to dnd can anyone help me out email me at spawn1680@yahoo.com

Lucca (May 12th, 2010)

Masamune was indeed a legendary swordmaker from japan, however the name has been used as the end all be all sword in many games, the first i believe was chrono trigger, though other games like final fantasy 7 have used the same name.

Mike (May 21st, 2010)

1st game I know of with masmune? Final Fantasy 1, well before Chrono Trigger

Really? (June 5th, 2010)

You’re a shit DM for allowing any of that to happen in the first place.

Durne (July 10th, 2010)

I had something similar and fun happen in a campaign. A halfing ninja cleared out a room of guards then he checked his weight limit. He was able to carry 7 long swords without getting slowed down too much. So this halfling ninja would walk around town with 7 swords strapped to his back and everyone was terrified of him. Good times.

Really? Really? (October 12th, 2010)

He isn’t a shit DM for allowing that to happen. He makes the game fun for the PC as well as himself. Every game has those little running jokes that don’t make sense, or don’t work exactly as physics would demand.

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