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D&D’s Five Most Greatest Weapons

posted Monday, December 1st 2008 by Jonathan Drain
None of the Above

They aren’t just the greatest. They’re the most greatest.

5. Lichkiller Gatling Ballista

The ballista is strictly speaking a giant crossbow used for siege warfare, although I’m not entirely sure if mediaeval engineers ever managed to construct a rapid-fire version outside of videogames. The killer is the ammunition – huge bolts, each tipped with a mace of disruption.

4. Keen Vorpal Scimitar, third edition

D&D3.5′s vorpal sword decapitates on a natural 20, and fourth edition’s equivalent merely deals open-ended bonus damage. In early third edition, however, vorpal decapitated on any critical, a natural 18-20 on a scimitar. What’s more, the Keen property stacked with the Improved Critical feat to triple the weapon’s threat range to 12-20, chopping off heads with 45% of successful attacks. Ouch.

3. Bag of Holding & Portable Hole

It’s an ancient rule that extradimensional spaces don’t play nicely with each other, and 22,500 gold pieces buys you your very own time-space shredding kit. Placing the hole into the bag has the specific effect of destroying both and pulling any creatures within ten foot radius into the Astral Plane. Among the traits of this plane are that all spells are quickened, poison doesn’t function, and everyone can fly. Alternatively, the payload can be delivered by summoned monster, who will have no qualms about sucking your foes out of reality for instant victory.

2. Head of Vecna

You’ve heard of the Hand and Eye of Vecna, artifacts that replace the wearer’s own body parts and bestow terrible power. One party of adventurers discovered an even greater relic – the entire Head of Vecna. A fight broke out over who would be allowed to cut off their own head to receive Vecna’s power. At no point did any of them discover that the head was a fake, set up by a cleverer adventuring party who returned later to loot four decapitated bodies.

1. Peasant Railgun

Here’s the idea. You line up three thousand or so peasants, and give a spear to the one at the back. The rest ready an action to take the spear from the man behind and pass it to the man in front. Since the spear makes it fifteen thousand feet in the space of one round, in other words six seconds, a thrower at the end of the line receives it moving at a truly lethal velocity in excess of mach 2. Better hope he rolls high.

Comments

  1. greywulf

    December 1st, 2008

    Awesome collection. The challenge now is to find a way to drop them all into just one adventure……..

  2. Samuel Van Der Wall

    December 1st, 2008

    I love it! Great list.

  3. Zaratustra

    December 1st, 2008

    SPHERES OF ANNIHILATION

  4. Micah

    December 1st, 2008

    Aw, come on! No mention of the straight up Bastard Sword? That’s been making me snicker since I was like 10 years old.

  5. Francis B

    December 2nd, 2008

    The great warlord laughs as he unveils the great…line of peasants holding a spear?

    My players will never see it coming.

  6. McGuffin

    December 2nd, 2008

    he he, my favorite weapon is a magic carpet and magically remote detonating explosives.

    heh… carpet bombing… ^^

  7. Biff

    January 6th, 2009

    Keen and Improved Crit don’t stack in 3.5. Too broken. There might be some spells in the Spell Compendium to do something similar.

    Not sure, but Keen and Vorpal might not stack, either.

    Also, add “Kaorti” resin from the web enhancement to increase the crit multiplier to x4.

    And might as well use a Jovar – dmg of a greatsword, crit range of a scimitar. Requires exot weapon prof: Jovar.

  8. bob

    May 3rd, 2009

    what if u shove a loaf of journeybread up a dragons mouth?

  9. mark

    November 18th, 2009

    along with that critical threat don’t forget the option of weapon master prestige class at higher level gains a +2 to the critical threat range also. but for even more threat range go with the bladed gauntlet from the sword and fist its threat range before eratted was 17-20 improved critical boosts this to 13-20 add keen it goes to 9-20 and the prestige class benifit you cut heads off 70% of the time. so awesome

  10. The Prolific Mr. Anonymous

    June 16th, 2010

    Peasant Railgun has never and will never work. There are no rules for velocity in D&D.

  11. Happy Lil' DM

    September 8th, 2010

    Hey Mr Anonymous,

    Thats what the DM is for…to create house rules…Muhahahaha…

  12. Dude

    May 25th, 2011

    I’d say, oh, 20d6 crash damage, like a fall, and stick a 12-20 lvl fighter @ the front for accuracy.

  13. Defiant

    June 1st, 2011

    The Keen enchant does not stack with the feat. But a weapon like that one with the feat, the Weapon Master Prestige Class, and Pathfinder Fiter will give u a crit range of 13-20 with a x4 multiplier.

  14. Aatwood

    June 23rd, 2011

    That’s going to be my new t-shirt. “Peasant Railgun; It’s The New Death Star”

  15. Adrian

    March 2nd, 2012

    Aatwood: Genius.

    I freaking love the Peasant Railgun. I only wish that I were playing/DMing so that I could attempt to implement this.

  16. Typhlo200

    June 5th, 2012

    Peasent Railgun, I’m soooo useing that on my party! I`m a DM.

    They havent started yet, this will be a great start, slautering stupid peasents.

  17. LEDM

    August 8th, 2012

    I always liked the use of a Flying carpet and a large bag of holding….filled with part of a lake,I used it effectively against Fire based Creatures.

  18. Eric

    August 23rd, 2012

    For those of you knocking the vorpal scimitar of awesome, he specifically said it wouldn’t work in 3.5. My parties usually like going with mass quantities of Beads of Force.

  19. Anonymous

    August 30th, 2012

    Mach 2? Halfway through the round when the spear reaches mach 1 the sonic boom would probably knock the peasants to the ground, and the burns to their hands from the friction involved would probably make it a one shot weapon even if it did work :)

  20. Blargh

    September 4th, 2012

    Not if the peasants won intiative!

    (Just Kidding)

  21. Nathan

    September 15th, 2012

    No, no, no. Here’s what you do. Take the Leadership feat. Using that, make all your followers take at least one level of wizard, sorcerer, or even just adept. Make all of them learn Magic Missile. Then, sit them all atop a large airship, and make them launch their long-range (440 ft. minimum), 100% accuracy barrage of death down on anything you order them to.

  22. Nathan

    September 15th, 2012

    Another one: put a Quaal’s Feather Token: Swan Boat in somebody’s mouth and activate it.

  23. Dastardly

    September 17th, 2012

    Feather Token: Oak arrows.

    This: http://www.clanofthegraywolf.com/images/Sewers01.jpeg

    There’s a goblinoid that has a racial ability to dominate humanoids daily, along with a cha boost. Taken with leadership, animal leadership, draconic leadership, and undead leadership, give everyone a crossbow and laugh.

    There’s a flaw: Chicken-infested. Along with Quick-draw, you can pull an infinite number of things out of a bag each turn, with 50% of them being chickens. There’s a great number of classes and builds that can give you control over all of these chickens at level 1; use this control to take down a tarrasque! Or worse!

  24. Ambs-Ace

    October 1st, 2012

    The Peasant Rail Gun is amazing on its own, but you can ramp up the hilarity waaay higher. First of all, not peasants: Hobbits. Or even Halflings. Second, not spears: ladders. Both are intrinsically funnier, and the transition in your players from “Aww, look at the cute little army! They’re gonna try to climb the walls,” to “Holy God-on-a-Stick, the hell was THAT?!?” is priceless.

    Have their first shot catch some poor NPC in the neck with the leading rung of a super-sonic ladder, play up the cartoon physics, and watch hilarity ensue.

  25. Court Amastacia

    November 10th, 2012

    Vorpal only decapitates at a natural roll of 20 rgardless of the critical threat range. In addition, the keen enhancement is INCLUDED in the creation of a vorpal weapon (Keen & Circle Of Death).

    Any DM that allows a character to use keen in conjuntcion with vorpal should not be a DM lol.

  26. Jonathan Drain

    November 10th, 2012

    Vorpal does only decapitate on a natural 20, in D&D 3.5. In 3.0, it worked on any crit. I covered this in this first two lines of the description in the article.

    Spell prerequisites don’t actually mean anything in item creation. The keen edge spell is required to create a vorpal weapon, but that doesn’t imbue it with the Keen weapon property at all.

    Interestingly, in 3.0, the vorpal weapon required death spell as a prerequisite – an AD&D spell which doesn’t actually exist in D&D 3.0.

  27. Phantom

    January 4th, 2013

    I once had the great pleasure of dropping an expanding fortress onto an incoming army,
    AWESOME! caused total carnage and as it was a last resort and the rest of my party was dead all I had to do was mop up the dying and gather my gold

  28. ikki

    March 2nd, 2013

    Nothing crazier than casting fabricate at will. Just enchant an item with that ability and hyper-industrialize a few millennia early. Even startrek replicators cannot compete. Everything is even recyclable, and at no cost..

    Craft X +1 as a skill investment should be enough with a added int 30+ to allow for the most intricate and difficult worksmanship

  29. Xonn Valenshire

    April 15th, 2013

    1. Infinite game-ending time loop.

    Two 3.0/3.5 epic level characters with high damage reduction & the epic level infinite A.O.O. feat + 2 throwing daggers of reappearing.
    If one stands in melee range and throws the dagger at the other, he provokes an A.O.O. Then the other uses his free attack to throw his own dagger, also provoking an A.O.O.
    Then repeat.
    Never damaging each other because of the high D.R.
    Result = Infinite attacks within a 6 second period. Effectively stopping time in the entire world of Dungeons & Dragons.

  30. Xonn Valenshire

    April 15th, 2013

    2. Magical Machine Gun

    Wind wall spell + Shaped spell metamagic feat enchanted onto the inside of a blowgun. Attach a hopper to the back end of it and fill with lead sling bullets.
    I believe the wind moves at about 167 miles an hour.
    Shoots between 6 & 12 bullets a round at 1d4 damage each.

  31. Xonn Valenshire

    April 15th, 2013

    3. Destroy the Entire World as a Free Action..

    I’m still not telling how this one is done. >:j
    But I will say it can be accomplished with just the core 3.0/3.5 Dungeon Master’s Guide + the Epic Level Handbook + about 4 million gold.

  32. You're making us all look bad

    May 10th, 2013

    You don’t need to say both “most” and “greatest”. One or the other will do. This oversight makes this site appear as though it is either run by an illiterate 13 year old or an illiterate high school drop out.

  33. northierthanthou

    July 3rd, 2013

    Long live the peasant rail-gun.

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