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Amusing Orcish Anecdote

posted Tuesday, July 31st 2007 by Jonathan Drain
None of the Above

From 4chan’s traditional game’s board comes this amusing orcish anecdote:

Reminds me of a friend’s character from a D&D game a while back. He was a half-orc barbarian who was absolutely convinced that he was a wizard. He had an arsenal of “spells” such as “Blind” (kicking dirt in the enemy’s face), “Inside-Out Man” (a slash to the enemy’s gut), and “Invisible Head” (decapitation).

Best of all was his familiar, who’s name was “Rock”. Rock was just an ordinary rock…but not to him. It was sort of an explanation for his Wisdom score, though, which was actually very high. His Intelligence, not so much.

I believe he ended up heroically sacrificing himself one day, though, by swallowing several vials of Oil of Impact, setting himself on fire, and hugging a Mind Flayer. He had explained that it was his best but most dangerous magic, “Me Bomb”.


  1. Tom Barta

    July 2nd, 2008

    That’s awesome. I would use that as an NPC, but I already showed my players…

    It actually seems like something that would fit with an aggressive Bard-type, as well. Arcane Spell Failure? Hah! I’ll show you the somatic component for “Invisible Head”!

  2. brady

    January 30th, 2009

    this is quite possibly the greatest thing i have ever heard of. *thumbs up*

  3. Brady

    January 30th, 2009

    This is really awesome I love it but it was really creepy when I got on and found out I had already posted or my evil same named twin or some such(and on the same day too) anyways Awesome Gm post.

  4. eddie

    January 30th, 2009

    this is so funny, next time we play, i may have to use this idea.

  5. Brady

    January 30th, 2009

    When I said got on I really meant stumbled

  6. rules

    January 30th, 2009

    Rules. one. and. two.

  7. RULES?

    January 30th, 2009

    /TG/ IS NOT /B/
    SHUT UP.

  8. RuLeS!

    January 30th, 2009

    4CHAN HAS BOARDS OTHER THAN /B/!!!???!?!!1?
    You must surely be mistaken.

  9. That One Former Chantard

    January 31st, 2009

    1. Gee, it sure is links to dead threads around here! Next time try an archive.

    2. Rules 1 and 2 only apply to raids

    3. What is “/B/” and “/TG/”? i’ve heard of “/b/” and “/tg/”, but not “/B/” or “/TG/”


    4. ????

    5. Profit!

  10. Jonathan Drain

    January 31st, 2009

    B& for mod sass

  11. Hazeblazer

    January 31st, 2009

    So an Orc with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. Bartender says “Hey whered you get that thing?” the parrot says “Durotar! they got ‘em all over!”

  12. Locke

    January 31st, 2009

    LOL@Hazeblazer && TOFC

  13. Locke

    January 31st, 2009

    brady- i’m sure everyone here stumbled it, I did

  14. Miller

    January 31st, 2009

    *smacks Hazeblazer with a newspaper on the nose* No! …. No!

  15. Fred

    February 1st, 2009

    *kicks miller in the cunt* NO

  16. Bull

    February 1st, 2009

    *casts invisible head on Fred*

  17. Fried Rice

    February 1st, 2009

    *ads “shit” to the end of “Bull’s” name* xD

  18. Bullshit

    February 1st, 2009

    That’s not very nice. What’d I ever do to you? Goddamn chink food.

  19. Siobhan

    February 2nd, 2009


  20. Rules 1 and 2

    February 3rd, 2009

    apply fucking everywhere. Don’t fucking forget it.


  21. Treios

    February 4th, 2009

    Bloody great funny thing is its totaly orc
    and with there mantality it would make sense to them in that way

  22. infornography

    February 11th, 2009

    This reminds me of a character I made once. He was a rogue who didn’t believe in magic, but pretended to be a wizard in order to get court mage or court advisory positions at castles. He believed that all mages were charlatans and he was just upholding that proud tradition.

    In order to evoke his magic he learned pyrotechnics. He had roman candles and fireworks up the sleeves of his asbestos cloak and he would yell out spell names as he fired them off.

    One time his cart with all of his… spell components was trapped in an enemy portcullis and the party had to escape without it. He shed a tear, stood up, turned toward his trusty cart and yelled “FIREBALL!” as he launched a particularly powerful firework right at it. The resulting explosion demolished half the keep and made the enemy soldiers take it seriously when he then yelled “Death Arrows!” and fired a roman candle in their direction. This bought the party the time they needed to beat a hasty retreat.

    That was a great session. Though replenishing his components was pretty rough.

  23. Toki

    February 12th, 2009

    I really hates you guys.

  24. Rafael

    March 11th, 2009


  25. northierthanthou

    July 3rd, 2013

    That is so awesome, I feel compelling to give that player a level worth of x.p. in all my campaigns. Should he ever play in one of my games, that player will definitely be one higher.

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