posted Saturday, December 2nd 2006 by
None of the Above
Having finally sat down to watch the Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings trilogy on DVD – back to back, in what can only be described as an epic event that spanned the entire day, I have come to three conclusions.
- Wizards in D&D need staves.
- Gandalf is badass.
- Peter Jackson and J. R. R. Tolkien are tree-hugging, elf-humping, dwarf-hating racists.
I’m certainly not the first person to say this, but where were all the dwarves in that movie? It’s acceptable that Gimli doesn’t necessarily get a lot of screen time if that’s what the movie needed, but I draw the line when Legolas beat him in a drinking contest. He’s a dwarf. He’s bearded and stoic. Dwarves are awesome. Clearly, Legolas cheated with some kind of elf magic.
You know where all the dwarves went? I think Peter Jackson knew how awesome dwarves were, and were afraid that putting in too many dwarves would overshadow all the handsome tree-hugging elves. Sure, let the human heroes take centre-stage while Gimli wades staunchly through seven orcs a minute with the barest glance of camera time.
As anyone knows, dwarves are the best race in D&D. A bonus to Constitution in for a penalty to Charisma, a resistance to magic and poison, and a speed penalty that irrelevant if you would wear heavy armour anyway. It’s not as versatile as a bonus feat, but I think we all know that dwarves are basically excellent and deserve more respect. Here’s to seeing more of them in The Hobbit!