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Hold On, Your Character’s Named Sephiroth?

posted Saturday, June 3rd 2006 by Jonathan Drain
None of the Above

Did I ever tell you about the fourth level fighter who tried to dual-wield greatswords?

In my first, terrible session in the DM’s chair I had the PCs encounter the villain only for him to catch them in one of those sphere of force items. I realised this was dumb because they couldn’t get out and so I had him challenge someone to a duel. A greatsword duel.

The villain was a tiefling wizard, and this was back when Skip or someone had just ruled that all outsiders got martial weapon proficiencies, which would include tieflings. The player, whose character is named Sephiroth and names his greatsword Masamune or something, defeats the villain and kills him abruptly before he can finish his “you haven’t seen the last of me!” dying speech. The player takes his +1 greatsword.

The player refuses to give up Masamune, and so when he reaches level 4 decides to take Ambidexterity (this was back in the day when you needed two feats to fight with two weapons). Why? In order to finally take advantage of the +1 greatsword, he was going to dual-wield it with Masamune.

The penalties were atrocious and he rarely hit anything. When he did, though, he’d splatter it in one hit. However, he had this remarkable knack for rolling natural 1 on his attacks! “Oh, I guess I drop the +1 greatsword then” — after which he’d start being able hit things. “Alright,” I said, eager to end the combat more quickly since he’d spent most of it not hitting, “The +1 greatsword flies from your hand, decapitates a skeleton and embeds itself in the wall.”

Thus, he decided that every single time he rolled a criticle fumble, that +1 sword would embed itself into the nearest wall, no matter how far away that wall was. It became a running joke. I eventually decided that the sword had been cursed to leap from its wielder’s grasp when he least expected it, and that’s why it had been embedding itself in so many walls.

I gave up trying to get him to give up Masamune when he tried to climb down a cliff face without a rope, fell a hundred and twenty feet, survived–I gave him a broken leg–and he tied the legendary sword to his leg as a splint.


  1. Wulfgar290

    June 28th, 2006

    Sepiroth dual weilding Masumes…. Ouch.
    Funny story, I can imagine how that must have been. I kinda did the same thing, but with longswords. My guys a Sorcerer

  2. Vertro

    October 22nd, 2008

    That is very funny… I laughed out loud. My DnD group hasn’t been able to get a stable plot yet… our DM supply is very low.

  3. Tj

    October 22nd, 2008

    I like how he used the greatsword as a splint, epic.

  4. dude srsly

    October 22nd, 2008


  5. Sephiroth

    October 22nd, 2008

    Sephiroth…seriously, go play Final Fantasy…

  6. Lord Fluffy

    November 21st, 2008

    And that is why tabletop RPGs will never completely be replaced by the online versions.

  7. Wilcox

    December 1st, 2008

    If I remember correctly, Masamune was the name of a weapon from Final Fantasy on NES

  8. The Texas Trucker

    December 2nd, 2008

    I ran what I call a “Bad Acid Trip” game. It involved ARMIES of talking carrots interlaced with a talking jail cell door and a pocket wizard (Our halfling wizard decided he was small enough to fit in the bag of holding, cheating bastard. lol)

  9. Anonymous

    January 30th, 2009


  10. Kiorte

    January 30th, 2009


    Close, Masamune was the legendary sword from Chrono Trigger on the SNES.

  11. Bruce

    February 16th, 2009

    Was he a dual-classed Lumberjack/Abraham Lincoln?

  12. roninmodern

    February 25th, 2009

    Close…Masamune is the name of a legendary swordsmith from feudal Japan.

  13. scott lykins

    January 28th, 2010

    FINAL FANTASY 7 IS THE BEST..sux to be that guy!!!

  14. Xin

    April 8th, 2010

    I’ve been trying to find out how to convert sep to dnd can anyone help me out email me at spawn1680@yahoo.com

  15. Lucca

    May 12th, 2010

    Masamune was indeed a legendary swordmaker from japan, however the name has been used as the end all be all sword in many games, the first i believe was chrono trigger, though other games like final fantasy 7 have used the same name.

  16. Mike

    May 21st, 2010

    1st game I know of with masmune? Final Fantasy 1, well before Chrono Trigger

  17. Really?

    June 5th, 2010

    You’re a shit DM for allowing any of that to happen in the first place.

  18. Durne

    July 10th, 2010

    I had something similar and fun happen in a campaign. A halfing ninja cleared out a room of guards then he checked his weight limit. He was able to carry 7 long swords without getting slowed down too much. So this halfling ninja would walk around town with 7 swords strapped to his back and everyone was terrified of him. Good times.

  19. Really? Really?

    October 12th, 2010

    He isn’t a shit DM for allowing that to happen. He makes the game fun for the PC as well as himself. Every game has those little running jokes that don’t make sense, or don’t work exactly as physics would demand.

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